31-Day Mage Challenge: Day Six – “What Game is Too Hard to Beat?”

31 Day NES Well-Red Cover

Welcome back, NPCs! Today’s question is a doozy.

Some things are just beyond the capabilities of humanity. Unfortunately there are some games in that category. Could be the puzzles that may as well be explained by hieroglyphs, that boss with a health bar that never seems to deplete, that stage that devs clearly crafted under the influence of the devil… but some games can be really hard. But which are the hardest? Are there games that you think could never be beaten? Not in a million, billion, gazillion years?

What Game is Too Hard to Beat?

 

 

timemage The Timely Mage

The only reason I bring this game up is because I played it recently (I’ve played much more difficult games) and that is Twisted Metal Black. I got to the midboss, got wrecked for a half hour, and looked up the cheat codes (what happened to cheat codes btw?). I played the game back when it first came out and I’m sure it’s beatable if you have the patience but ain’t nobody got time for that.

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blackmage The Black Humor Mage

Contra III: Alien Wars. Any Contra game could fill this spot, but this one personally I am never going beat.
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ragemage The Rage Mage

The World’s Hardest Game 2. You know what? Screw this game. Screw everything. Somebody get me a puppy to run over. That’s always therapeutic.

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FF3-NES-Summoner2 The Green Screen Mage

All of the games that I have not played. Just all of them. Trust me, that’s a lot. If I can beat it, it’s probably not very difficult. Uhm… Final Fantasy VII was too difficult for me. Partly because I give up on leveling up games and partly cause I got lost on the map… a lot.Final-Fantasy-VII-Screenshot-Cross-Dressing-Don-Corneo

 

whiteoutmage The White Out Mage

The 1989 A Boy and His Blob. I tried so many times and could never complete it. Though many of my attempts were as a child, I think my most recent attempts were in my teen years and I was still unsuccessful. The puzzles are so specific and there’s only one solution each time, plus there’s a limited amount of items (jelly beans) to beat the puzzles.

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Untitled2 The Well-Red Mage

The first games that came to mind which I’ve played were Contra and the first Mega Man, then Mega Man 9, Ninja Gaiden, Devil May Cry 3, Super Mario Bros.: the Lost LevelsI Am Bread, Earthworm Jim on the hardest difficulty and Alien: Isolation on Nightmare mode in recent memory. Lots of older titles seem excruciatingly demanding. But flat out there is one single atrocity that takes the blue ribbon and that is the side-scrolling black sheep: Zelda II: the Adventure of Link. Oh boy. This game is so unfun and gruesomely difficult, it’s like trying to wade waist deep through solid concrete. Killing almost any regular enemy requires extreme button-pressing precision as you’ve got to time jumping and stabbing with your sword perfectly, and I mean perfectly, in order to land a hit and not accidentally impale yourself on your foe’s blade. I could not even beat the first boss. Not as a kid. Not as an adult. As an open-world game, it’s even more confusing than the first Legend of the Zelda, and it’s impossible not to die. I’m not sure they even programmed an ending in the cartridge, considering the insane level of difficulty. Have any of our readers actually ever played and bested Zelda II? Maybe if you’re a supercomputer reincarnation of Einstein.

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Unless I get a little more than a pat on the back, it wasn’t worth the trouble.

 

 

 

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22 thoughts on “31-Day Mage Challenge: Day Six – “What Game is Too Hard to Beat?”

  1. Until recently, I would have suggested the original Ecco the Dolphin game, but I have completed that game. Instead I will name Sonic 2 on the Game Gear. There are no rings for the bosses, so Sonic can be killed in one hit. The boss consists of a claw-like robot at the bottom of a slope with balls bouncing down. Sonic either has to jump over low-bouncing balls (which is difficult on a slope) or roll into the boss and be catapulted back up the slope and under the high-bouncing balls. The slope also makes it difficult to position Sonic in a good position to react to the projectiles and rolling into the boss when it is in the closed position also hurts the hero. I could not get past the first act of the second level because I did not know how to control a hang glider needed to cross a chasm. The game also apparently has a dark ending.
    Another difficult game is Metal Gear Solid 2: Guns of the Patriots on the European Extreme difficulty, where Solid Snake can be killed by being shot once.

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    • I remember the US hardest difficulty for MGS2, which was pretty tough. I could never beat a Sonic game. Way too fast and I feel like I never developed the taste for it since I wasn’t raised with Sega.

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  2. Even though FFVII is my favorite game, story, and pretty much life’s work, I haven’t beaten it myself (seen the ending numerous times though). Not because I think it’s too hard, more because I’m a dumbass who missed an integral item i.e, the key you’re supposed to get with the submarine, and I got stuck afterwards #hawkward. I’m planning on replaying them all in order though, and I’m on IV right now, so it will happen.

    The Impossible Game is exactly what it says on the tin. I’m still working on Level 1. The music keeps me coming back. So good. Plus it’s a simple platformer in theory, but so challenging in execution. It’s great for honing concentration though.

    Speaking of concentration, I have to give the Lolo Series an honorable mention. Those puzzle games were HARD. I never finished Lolo 3 myself, and I certainly can’t do so without a strategy guide. Even with one, some of the moves are too tricky for my aging, probably arthritic fingers 😫

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  3. Rule of Rose and Haunting Ground. Rule of Rose because Jennifer swings any weapon in a way that I sometimes hope she pokes her eye out and die .. Haunting Ground because FIONA FOR F–K SAKE STOP PANICKING

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I did somehow beat Zelda II, but it wasn’t easy at all. I had to grind constantly because if I lost at all, my EXP would drop to 0. I’m not very good at those ultra-hard games like Demon’s Souls or Bloodborne. I’m generally bad at rogue-likes too, where you lose everything upon dying, and the game is also randomly generated. I’ve beaten some Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games, but I’d definitely struggle for harder titles.

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