Welcome back, NPCs! Today’s question is a doozy.
Some things are just beyond the capabilities of humanity. Unfortunately there are some games in that category. Could be the puzzles that may as well be explained by hieroglyphs, that boss with a health bar that never seems to deplete, that stage that devs clearly crafted under the influence of the devil… but some games can be really hard. But which are the hardest? Are there games that you think could never be beaten? Not in a million, billion, gazillion years?
“What Game is Too Hard to Beat?“
The Timely Mage
The only reason I bring this game up is because I played it recently (I’ve played much more difficult games) and that is Twisted Metal Black. I got to the midboss, got wrecked for a half hour, and looked up the cheat codes (what happened to cheat codes btw?). I played the game back when it first came out and I’m sure it’s beatable if you have the patience but ain’t nobody got time for that.
The Black Humor Mage
The Rage Mage
The World’s Hardest Game 2. You know what? Screw this game. Screw everything. Somebody get me a puppy to run over. That’s always therapeutic.
The Green Screen Mage
All of the games that I have not played. Just all of them. Trust me, that’s a lot. If I can beat it, it’s probably not very difficult. Uhm… Final Fantasy VII was too difficult for me. Partly because I give up on leveling up games and partly cause I got lost on the map… a lot.
The White Out Mage
The 1989 A Boy and His Blob. I tried so many times and could never complete it. Though many of my attempts were as a child, I think my most recent attempts were in my teen years and I was still unsuccessful. The puzzles are so specific and there’s only one solution each time, plus there’s a limited amount of items (jelly beans) to beat the puzzles.
The Well-Red Mage
The first games that came to mind which I’ve played were Contra and the first Mega Man, then Mega Man 9, Ninja Gaiden, Devil May Cry 3, Super Mario Bros.: the Lost Levels, I Am Bread, Earthworm Jim on the hardest difficulty and Alien: Isolation on Nightmare mode in recent memory. Lots of older titles seem excruciatingly demanding. But flat out there is one single atrocity that takes the blue ribbon and that is the side-scrolling black sheep: Zelda II: the Adventure of Link. Oh boy. This game is so unfun and gruesomely difficult, it’s like trying to wade waist deep through solid concrete. Killing almost any regular enemy requires extreme button-pressing precision as you’ve got to time jumping and stabbing with your sword perfectly, and I mean perfectly, in order to land a hit and not accidentally impale yourself on your foe’s blade. I could not even beat the first boss. Not as a kid. Not as an adult. As an open-world game, it’s even more confusing than the first Legend of the Zelda, and it’s impossible not to die. I’m not sure they even programmed an ending in the cartridge, considering the insane level of difficulty. Have any of our readers actually ever played and bested Zelda II? Maybe if you’re a supercomputer reincarnation of Einstein.