Lovely, lovely end-game quest. Secret weapon grinding fest.
Harder foe than final boss. Collecting items, gold to dross.
Chocobos and pictures taken. Final Fantasy. Wind you Waken.
Mario and Mass Effect. Exploring Metroid’s derelict.
Pop achievements, trophies too.
So addicting you can’t pause to poo.
Boring fetch chores. Catch ’em all.
Watch your blood pressure rise and fall.
-Not a haiku, by The Well-Red Mage
Today’s question is:
“What is your Favorite and Least Favorite Side Quest?“
Share your most wanted and most hated in the comments below!
The Timely Mage
I’m having a really hard time thinking of good side quests (I’m sure I’ve played plenty) but I typically like side quests that have purpose but are still straightforward in execution. If I’m delineating from the main story it better be for something fun or easy otherwise I end up finding myself questioning the meaning of my existence. My least favorite was the lightning dodging quest in Final Fantasy X. Seriously, I’d like to drop whoever thought of that quest into the middle of a thunderstorm with a lightning rod tied to their back and watch them try to dodge 200 of those babies. ISN’T THIS FUN!?
The Black Humor Mage
My favorite side quest has to be the final quests at the end of Chrono Trigger. I really enjoyed them all because of the way they were connected to the characters in your party, and you got really good items/weapons. But if I had to pick one from the bunch, it’d have to be Robo’s side quest because the boss at the end wasn’t a previously seen boss. Not only that, it’s one of the coolest looking bosses in the game: Mother Brain.
My least favorite side quest has to be the Riddler trophies in Arkham City. There was so many, and some were ridiculously placed. The payoff was to punch The Riddler, but even then I only did it for the platinum.
The Rage Mage
Least favorite, least favorite… respawning those giant AT-AT turtle-zillas at the end of Final Fantasy XIII, then murdering them for the chance to get a platinum ingot drop, in order to get the money for stuff like all the trophies. In fact, Final Fantasy XIII itself is my least favorite side quest. So there.
Oh and I have to pick a favorite? Chasing the wizard’s cat around the house and kicking it in King’s Quest III: To Heir is Human.
The Green Screen Mage
‘Whodunit?’ from Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion!! Best quest on the planet ever forever always! You have to go to a house and have to murder 5 people. You can rush in and just fight them all or, the more fun way, you can get a bonus by killing all of them without anyone knowing you’re the killer. Stalk and murder your victims in secret or befriend them and trick them into killing each other. It’s beautiful.
The Riddler Trophies in Arkham Knight. I don’t know who comes up with those riddles, but damn man take a chill pill. The worst part is that for the first half of the trophies and riddles and such you have the Riddler calling you stupid and leaving you wanting to punch him in the throat or mute your game. That part is so frustrating it almost makes the joy of beating him up not worth it.
The White Out Mage
I typically don’t play games with side quests. But in Lego Lord of the Rings there’s a dwarf that asks you to find a hat for her (it’s a she-dwarf). Everybody thinks she’s a man so she needs a feminine hat because she wants to look feminine. There’s absolutely no hope for her, with or without a hat. It may not have been the quest itself that was enjoyable but the request was humorous.
In the same game, you’re getting so close to the end and somebody asks you to fetch something for them way back in the village of Bree. So you have to backtrack tothe beginning. Needless to say, I didn’t go back to get it. And that’s why my husband doesn’t have one more platinum on his PS3.
The Well-Red Mage
Favorite side quest has to be Chocobo husbandry and racing in Final Fantasy VII. This is hands down the greatest Chocobo side quest in any of the Final Fantasy games. It’s massively detailed and I never grew tired of it, even as I continued to breed Gold Chocobos with each other to produce the ubermensch of bipedal avians, which could run faster than the speed of light. I’ve always been disappointed in every Chocobo side quest in any other Final Fantasy since (I’m looking at you, FFVIII, with your dumb handheld add on thingie never released in North America). None of them could live up to the Chocobos of VII. I dearly hope that the remake will expand upon that side quest… maybe even give us the fake and fabled White Chocobo that was falsely rumored to be catchable underwater where the Emerald Weapon prowled.
On a side note, I almost said Tetra Master from FFIX or everything in the World of Ruin in FFVI as my favorite side quest…
As for least favorite side quest: I won’t say dodging lightning bolts in Final Fantasy X, since our beloved Timely Mage said that one. But let’s keep with the Final Fantasy trend. In my opinion, FFX gets a bum rap for hunting down its ultimate weapons compared to the Final Fantasy XII random chest/drop atrocity. True, some of the ultimate weapons are gained from completing hunts. But you want all the best and baddest gear in the game? Tough nuggems. Get ready to crunch some percentages.
The Formalhaut ultimate gun: a chest that appears 60% of the time and can have a 50% chance of having your gun in it. Danjuro, the strongest dagger, has a drop rate of 3/6/8/12%. The Sagittarius, strongest bow in the game, requires multiple items that each have an 8% drop rate, a 10% drop rate, and a 30% steal rate. The Yagyu Darkblade, rare drop from a rare monster, or 20% spawn rate and a 3/6/8/12% drop rate. What the…! I mean, I’m a patient guy (I like to think) but that’s just nuts and far too time-consuming. This is lame for a Final Fantasy. Why couldn’t it just be regular side questing rather than chest/drop farming? Don’t even get me started on those chests you’re not supposed to open.